(Don't shoot me, I never put the scale away, I just changed my mindset that I'm doing everything right and will lose weight, gain muscle, lose inches, in my own time when my body is ready). If that makes sense at all? In a nutshell- I got over what the scale was saying to me and have decided to continue to learn how to deal with the scale and not let it OWN me. :)
So anyway. I woke up this morning and jumped on the scale as usual and saw 184. So finally I'm back to where I was a few days ago. I'm still not down anymore but at least I'm not still going UP. :)
I feel fine about where I've come. I mean in the past 10, almost 11, weeks I've lost 20 pounds! 20!!! That's 2 pounds a week and that's perfect weight loss. Yes I haven't lost any this week and that's ok. There are going to be those times when maybe I am just gaining muscle (you can feel it in my arms and legs!) and not seeing progress on the scale.
I went swimming at a friends house today and didn't feel uncomfortable AT ALL in my swimming suit! That's a first in YEARS! I use to dread getting out of my coverup or getting up out of the pool when my suit is all wet and hanging tight on me, showing off all the bumps and curves and imperfections.
No I'm not perfect, yes I'm still "fat" but who the heck cares? Women come in all shapes and sizes and we have our curves, that's what makes us unique. :) I have flabby tummy but that came from my 2 wonderful children. Would I trade that? No. I have stretch marks (no visible, hidden under my suit) but would I take those back? No, I have children. My boobs sag but I nursed 2 babies on them things! Would I trade that? NO.
So, own your skin. Love your body. If you do that, who the heck cares what other people are thinking? All that matters is what you think about your body and the way you look.
I'm not saying I love the way I look but at least I am not angry anymore. I'm not angry at how I let myself get fat. I'm not angry at what childbirth did to my body. I'm not trying to hide anymore. I am who I am, and I love myself more and more each day.
I challenge everyone out here in the blogging world- go get naked and stand in front of your mirror. How does it make you feel? What do you see that's good? What's bad? Try to develop a relationship with yourself and the way you feel and get over what you think other people see.
When I went out the other night with a group of beautiful women (all mom's), one of them said to me, "I never saw you as the "fat" one. I just saw you as normal." (or something like that) That really stuck with me, because I ALWAYS thought of myself as the "fat" one. I was so insecure with my body and how I looked. I always thought that any of the guys we came in contact with at any of the bars was thinking "oh look, a group of hot women and a fat girl trying to fit in."
So I guess over the course of 10 weeks I have learned to LOVE myself. I still have work to do, weight to lose, muscle to build, but I love who I am and who I am becoming!
Go get naked and have a talk with yourself! :)
Until we meet again...