Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Not an inspirational post, don't read it.

I warned you.  I'm feeling kinda crabby today.  Woke up this morning and saw 187 on the scale!!!  WTF?  I don't know what I'm doing wrong but I'm gaining weight this week and it's pissing me off!  I guess I'm going to go to the store this morning and get fresh fruits and veggies and eat raw.  I thought "protein" was going to be a good route but I'm having no luck with it.  Maybe I'm still not drinking enough water?  Maybe my sodium is too high?  I don't know but I'm really pissed about not going down the scale.

Yes- blah blah muscle weighs more than fat.  Whatever, I just know I have a lot of fat to lose and for some reason this week it just ain't going down.  I've been working out.  I have been working out to the point that I can't walk today from all the new muscle groups I've been working out.

I've got to get over this funk I'm in.  It's starting to mess with my mind, make me frusterated and depressed about losing weight. 

I've got to get back to the positive me, the happy me, the one that's losing weight and getting healthy me.

Here's what I ate yesterday:
Breakfast- smoothie- frozen fruit, 1/2 milk, whey protein powder
Lunch- Salad mix- asian salad
Snack- pretzels (that could be my sodium issue) and hummas
Dinner- Mediteranian salad- gyro meat

That's it.  It equaled out to about 1200 calories (more than I usually do but what I should be doing).

So today.  I'm going to fill up a gallon thing of water and drink the whole darn thing.  I'm going to go to the store and get my little mini veggie trays that I had been eating.  I'm going to go walking like I use to go, tonight for 1 hour or more. 

Maybe trying new things like zumba for longer and this running/5k training, and riding a bike, is either not doing it for me, maybe I am gaining a lot more muscle, or maybe I'm not drinking enough water.

I don't know, I'm just so darn frustrated this morning.  I don't like plateaus.  I don't like going up the scale.  I'm so mad right now I could scream. 

I so badly want to lose this weight.  I so badly want to find that inner skinny girl that's stuck inside this fat body. 

Maybe I should put the scale away again for a very long time... like a month and see what happens.  That just scares me that I won't hold myself accountable for my weight.  I usually gage the day by what the scale says.  If I'm up then I know I'm doing something wrong, if I'm down then I know that I'm doing something right.  So I just don't know what to do.

Hard to post when you have a 4 year old screaming in your ear about things in the morning.  So I guess that's all I have time for this morning.


Yes, I think the scale is going a way for a very long time because I'm getting obsessed with it... so bye bye scale- I'm sending it off to be hidden. I think I may have it go away until the first of August.  Maybe then I'll be down on the scale. 

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