Friday, August 26, 2011

GOTTA GET OUT OF THIS FUNK!

I keep saying this but I have really got to get out of this funk I'm in.  Yes I'm pregnant but that doesn't mean I can't keep working out, keep eating right, and keep losing weight! 

I'm so stinkin' tired that by the time I get home I CRASH!  I've been going to sleep before my 4 year old I think almost every night this week! 

I know that if I just put my darn shoes on and head outside that I'll have enough energy to walk for 30-60 minutes.  It's just getting the darn shoes on. 

Maybe me blogging about it will help get me out of this funk.  I've got a great support group around me that keeps cheering me on and telling me that I can do it and for me to think about how healthy I have become and how easy this pregnancy will be now that I'm 30 pounds lighter and in shape!

I had someone ask me today if I had lost even more weight.  NOPE!  I haven't gone down in a while.  But I can really tell a difference in the size of my legs.  I am a solid 14 but the jeans I was wearing yesterday were baggy in my legs.  I remember putting them on at the beginning of the summer and I couldn't buckle them and the butt and legs were way to tight!  So, I sure don't want to gain and change back to the way I was.  I want to keep making progress... maybe a little slower now... but still progress FORWARD, not backward.

So, I can do it.  I can do it..... I WILL DO IT! 

Today I was driving past my usual walking route and I could feel the way I feel when I'm out there walking/running.  It's too dark to get out there now tonight but tomorrow my goal is to go walking.  One day at a time.  I can do it.  I have to do it.  I have this 5K to run and I don't want to be a quitter and not make it.  I will get my ass up and walk/run tomorrow!  I've gotta start somewhere and I think tomorrow's a good time to start! 

Told the husband to bring home saltine crackers and pickles.  I think that's the only way I'm going to survive this first trimester of pregnancy.  I'm feeling so super nauseous and SMELLS are really getting to me.  Today we were in a meeting 1/2 day at school and everyone was making different flavored coffees and I wanted to PUKE.  It wasn't bad smelling, it was just TOO MUCH SMELL! 

Well I'm off to eat dinner and go to bed!  Tomorrow will be a good day, I will go walking and I will get out of the darn funk I'm in!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

And then there were three!

Well Hello Blogging world, it's been a while.  I have been busy with school and other things in my life that I haven't had much time to sit down and blog.

Where do I start?  Let's go back to a few weeks ago when I mentioned that I was going to the doctor to get on birth control.

The day started normal, I drank a protein shake, got ready, and headed out the door (after dropping the kids off at daycare) to my doctor for my yearly pap smear (such a lovely word huh?) and to see about getting back on birth control and my ADD medicine.

I saw the doctor and she asked the usual girly questions and then said, "When was your last menstral period?"  I replied with, "July 3rd, I'm a few days late, but I was a few days late last month too, I'm losing weight and that could be part of it."  So she says, "If I'm going to put you on birth control, we'd better take a test just to be sure." 

NO BIGGY, I peed in the darn cup and that was that.

After my awkward pap smear (they are never pleasent) I was told to wait and she'd be right back.

A few minutes later she comes in with a smile on her face and says, "Well...it was POSITIVE."  I think I said, "You're kidding, there's a mistake, this could be a false positive, I'm done, I have one girl and one boy, I'm good, what is my husband going to say, OH SHIT!"  Or something to that effect. 

I left the doctors office still in shock but with a sense of humor as I said, "Well, I guess I'm not getting on birth control today huh?"

I'm FREAKING PREGNANT!  I thought I was done, I knew I was done.  I had just gone through all my fat clothes, maternity clothes from previous children, and children's clothing.  GONE!  But luckily I'm a procrastinator so I still had the bags in the house (ready to go to salvation army... whenever I decided to do that). 

So I'll have to go back through the clothes and see what I can find.

I'm due April 10th, so I have a long way to go to actually come to the realization that I will have 3 DAMN CHILDREN!

I wasn't going to tell my husband the day I found out.  That weekend was our wedding anniversary trip away and I didn't want to ruin our trip.  I ended up going to lunch with him and not saying a thing and I thought I played it off really well.  Then he asked me to go up to his office and see how he had cleaned and arranged things.  I agreed.  The first thing he said to me when we got up to his office was, "how was your doctor's appointment?  Did you get on birth control."  I couldn't lie, I'm not good at lying... so I smilled and said, "uh-huh." He then asked me if I was pregnant and we talked for a while about it in a shocked kinda state that we are still currently in.

So, working out?  I just can't seem to get out of this funk I'm in.  I want to continue to work out, eat right, and lose weight but this has thrown a wrench in things and for some reason I can't jump out of the pit I'm stuck in.

I still want to run my 5K in September but I'm not prepared... I'll probably end up run/walking it.  I need to get that inner skinny girl back out but the darn girl is trapped by the baby that lies within me causing me to be tired, hungry, and TIRED.  I have gone to sleep before 9 every night for the past few weeks.  I wake up 3 times a night to pee, that's frusterating.  I am worn out by the time I get home from school that all I can think about is bed time.

Anyway, this post has been long enough.  Hopefully I will get out of this depressed state and start back to working out and losing weight.  I think now that I've told people about it, that might just help me be a little more motivated... tomorrow.... but for now, I'm going to BED! 

Monday, August 15, 2011

One day at a time...

I'm taking things one day at a time lately.  I am in a funk and can't seem to get out of it.  I have a feeling it has a lot to do with starting back to work and being super tired when the day is over.

I have started getting back to really trying to watch what I eat and get myself back on track.  I'm sure I will get there... there is just a lot going on in my life right now that is causing me to get in a funk and I'm unable to get out of it.

I had gained a couple of pounds since the last time I weighed in... I was up to 184.  Today I weighed in at 181.  So that made me feel a little hopeful. 

I have got to get over the 80's.  I'm ready to see the 70's. 

Anyway, not much more to say now.  I just felt bad for all my loyal blog stalkers that I haven't been around in 6 days and haven't been motivational or helpful to those trying to lose weight in over 2 weeks!

I have got to dig deep and find that skinny girl that so desperately wants out and push that fat girl to the side... or kick her butt!

I have done good for a long time, I don't want to fail or quit or give up... I have got to get my butt back in gear and get busy!!!! 

Maybe I need to just look in the mirror and talk to myself... though that seems a bit awkward.... maybe I'll just silently talk to myself and pump myself up cause I know I can do it, I mean I lost 27 pounds in 3 month.  I can do this!  I only have about 40 pounds to go (more or less) until I reach my ultimate goal and feel great about myself. 

I will say that I passed up a bagel this morning at one of our meetings and I didn't get cheese on my taco salad!  So at least the skinny girl in me is still somewhat there.  :)  I just need to convince her that even though I'm plum tuckered out, that it will feel so good to walk or zumba or something!

I'll be back... I know I will... I can feel the desire to find that skinny girl, slowly coming back into the front of my mind and not pushed to the back... I'll get there... I can do it!

Until we meet again... keep me in your thoughts!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Motivation... where did you go?

I'm lost.  I've lost my desire and my motivation to lose this weight.  :/  Maybe it's the stress of starting back to work?  Maybe I'm stuck in a funk?  Maybe it's the weather?  Whatever it is is causing me to just want to forget losing weight and go back to my old ways. 

I don't want to go back to my old ways!  I want to have that burning desire to lose this weight... I just can't seem to find it. 

I think part of it could be that I'm not counting calories?  I haven't done that since Thursday.  I need to get back to doing that!

I am not yet at my goal and can't seem to see myself any further along.  I haven't lost any pounds in a while and it's quite frusterating!  I seem to be stuck and I know it's my fault.  I haven't worked out to the best of my ability, I haven't eaten to the best of my ability.  I am just not where I need to be.

What is it going to take to get me there?  Another round of cabbage soup to jump start me back?  No! 

I'm just going to have to dig deep and get my act together.  I'm sure you are sick of hearing that!  But somewhere deep inside me is that skinny girl who wants to come out.  I found her for a good 11 weeks but she is disapearing and I can't seem to find that girl.

It's not like the fat girl is taking over... but I guess she is if I'm not working out, not counting calories, and not losing weight.

Oh well, I start back to work tomorrow.  Maybe that will help me get out of my funk.  I'll be surrounded by people who are constantly supporting me in this journey and I'll be starting a group of people who are wanting to lose some weight and get healthy too.

I've got a good 40 pounds more to lose.  That's all.  I can do it.  I want to do it.  I'm just not doing it right now.  I'm frustrated with myself! 


.......

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Anniversary Weekend

My wedding anniversary is on Tuesday (8 years) and to celebrate, we have left the kids with my mom and are headed to Tulsa for a little getaway.  :)  I'm all packed and ready.... just waiting on the hubby to get himself packed and ready.

I'm looking forward to shopping and buying me some new school clothes.  I really like wearing dresses with leggings so I think I'll shop for a that.  :)  It's tax free weekend as well so that will save us some money. 

I weighed in this morning. 182.  I'm bloated, ate horrible last night, and don't want to talk about weight today.  I'm still looking at how my clothes fit and will just forget about the scale for now. 

I've been feeling off my game.  I went running the other night but haven't done anything in a couple of days.  I need to get my head back in the game.  I have this 5K I need to be prepared to run.  I don't want to look silly walking the darn thing.  :)  I'll get there, I just need to do something to jump start my mood back into things.

We went to the wedding on Friday night.  It was hot but I didn't melt.  The bride was beautiful, the company of friends was great.  I had a lot of people that haven't seen me in a while comment on how good I'm looking.  I guess I've gotten use to how I look so every time someone says something it shocks me I guess.

Anyway, I'm kinda in a crabby mood so I'm going to go help speed up the hubby in his packing so we can head to Tulsa. 

Until we meet again...

Friday, August 5, 2011

207

So the last time I went to the doctor (I think... back before school was out, maybe April?) I weighed 207 according to the records.  Today when I went I weighed 180.  That's 27 pounds gone forever.  :)  Just made me feel good.

Tonight's the wedding and I've got to get to cleaning this house for the father-in-law to baby sit the children.

Not much more to say right now.  MAN IT'S HOT! 

Until next time...

Weight loss and Aunt Flow...

Now that I have your attention.  I'm a bit nervous.  I thought my monthly visitor had come a few days ago (spotting) but then she decided to disapear.  Today is cycle day 34.  That's the latest it's been in a while!  Last month she was late getting here (31 days).  I figure it is because I'm losing weight and eating differently?  I'm just a little freaked out.  I am going to the doctor today to get myself on birth control and hopefully that will regulate things.  I just want normal cycles, and to not get pregnant!  :O

So, for my girl blog stalkers out there, is your period affected by losing weight? 

In other news, I seem to be stuck on the scale at 180-181.  :/  I'm guessing it's because my monthly friend can't decide if she wants to unpack of not.  Gee.  I just wish she would hurry up and get here so I can stop freaking out about it and start seeing some movement on the scale too.

I'm a bit excited to go to the doctor this morning because the last time I went I was 20 pounds heavier, if not more.  I'm interested to see just how much I weighed the last time I was there.  :)

Today is my friends wedding.  My goal was to get to 170 by then... didn't make it.  I've been stuck for the past few weeks at 181.  :/  BUT!  I feel like a big muscle rock!  And I'm down a few sizes so I'm fine with what the scale says for now... I just want it to move some more.

Also, I've been up to the school a few times to start getting my classroom ready.  1.  I can move the furniture without passing out.  2.  I've had a few people mention how good I look.  I guess I've gotten use to the way I look and it surprises me every time someone says something.  Are they just being nice because they have read my blog and know I'm losing weight?  Or do they really see a difference? 

I'm excited to start back to school also because I'm going to start this "challenge" to "get fit or quit" (hmm gotta come up with a fun name) thingy where we all are weighed (whoever wants to do it) and each month (or maybe 2 times a month) we are weighed in again and I'll add up the pounds lost for the group.  I think we'll do it by whole group and not individuals.  Or maybe we'll split up into 2 teams for a little competition.  I gotta get this a little more planned out.

And anyway, I'm going to start an after school walk/run/bike/zumba group as well.  We are going to push each other to get back to our healthier self.  I know how good I feel now that I'm healthier and I want to get everyone else feeling that way too.  :)

Ok time to get my shoes on and go to the doctor.

Oh and did I mention that I walk/ran for an hour last night?  I was so proud of myself!  I think at one point I ran straight for over 2 minutes!  That's a long time for me!  :)

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

It's hot out there!

Today was a good day.  I took the kids to daycare and pampered myself.  I ate a nice lunch with the hubby, got my hair done, did a little shopping, and got my toes done!  :)  I enjoy shopping now because clothes FIT.  I keep telling myself not to get too much (and I haven't) because hopefully soon these new clothes will be too big.

Anyway, it's so hot outside!  Not sure how hot it got today but something like 107 or so.  Our house inside doesn't get cool enough.  Our poor air conditioner just can't keep up.

Gotta make this quick because the hubby is coming to claim the computer to play his computer games (nerd).  :P


But I got my hair cut (shorter than I wanted) and put a feather in my hair.  :)  I tried to convince myself to get one the last time I got my hair cut but I chickened out.  So this time I braved it and got a feather.  Here's a little picture.  Sorry it is really a little picture but I think you can see the feather a bit. 



Off to deal with my 4 year old!  I think it's bed time!!!!  Then I'll ZUMBA in front of our window air conditioner unit! 

Until we meet again blogging friends.

Monday, August 1, 2011

I finally did it!

I finally got my lazy butt up at 6:00am and went for a walk!  I guess it was because today is the first day of August and the fact that I ate Mexican yesterday that I felt like I had to get up!  I kept yawing for most of the walk but after I finished I felt great.

So I sure hope I can continue to get up early and work out.  I start back to school on the 10th so if I can get myself in a habbit of working out before getting ready then maybe I can keep it up when school starts.  I'll have to get up at 5:00am when school starts back if I want to get a good hour of workout in. 

Then when I got home my little guy was already awake and in bed with daddy.  So I took him to the store with me and we got our groceries. 

So by 8:00am I had already worked out and done my grocery shopping.  That feels like a great way to start August.  :)

I plan to work more on the laundry today.  I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel since we went through all of our clothes and got rid of over half of them!  I now can fit all of my clothes into about 2 laundry baskets.  I plan to do a bit of back to school shopping since my wardrobe doesn't consist of much professional clothing. 

We have a tax free weekend coming up and I plan to go out and shop along with everyone else around here.  But I feel hopeful that I'll find some good stuff.

Anyway, I'm off to work on the laundry and clean the house a bit this morning.  Happy Monday my little blog stalkers.  :)

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