Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Holy Freakin' scale batman!

Got up this morning a little nervous to step on the scale.  Not sure why I'm nervous every day.  I'm eating right and working out like I should.

I didn't go walking last night but I did ride my stationary bike until my butt was raw.  I had to stop a few times and stand up.

I snacked around yesterday and the only meal I really ate was dinner.  By snacking, I mean healthy snacking (kashi bar, hummus and melba toast, grapes, etc.)

So I got on the scale today and saw.... drum roll please!!!!! 209!  :) 

9.5 pounds gone for good!

What a great feeling.  It was totally worth me fighting myself about having that darn bowl of cookies and cream ice cream.  Worth fighting myself to get up and ride my bike last night.  Worth forcing myself to walk the extra mile!  :)

In other news, I watched Dr. Oz yesterday.  What a great show.  He was talking about different things to help burn fat in certain parts of your body.  He then talked about raw coffee bean extract to help burn fat all over.  So... I ordered me some and can't want to start taking the pill for a little added boost.  I hope that with me eating better and working out and taking the little coffee pill that maybe it will help me continue to lose.  :)  Or it may not work at all.  Who knows.  At least it's all natural.

My little baby has his 4 month old checkup today.  :(  I can't remember if he gets shots but probably.  I'm taking all 3 kids with me!  :O  Wish me luck.

Speaking of children, Rylan is happily (for the most part) watching sesame street, Conner went with his grandpa to the bank (he gets up and runs across the street almost every morning to see him), and Lauren is just now waking up!  So time to start breakfast, baths, and getting everyone dressed and ready for the day.


Monday, July 30, 2012

Week 2 Measurements and Weight

So today I have completed 2 weeks of my journey towards finding my inner skinny girl (round 2).

I weighed in this morning at: 210.5  Making a total loos of 8 pounds!  Not bad for 2 weeks.

Here are my measurements:

7/30/12 Measurements and Weight 210.5

  • Waist: 43.5"(lost 2.75 inches)
  • Hips:46" (lost 2.5 inches)
  • Chest:44" (lost 1.5 inches)
  • Neck:14.5" (lost 1 inch)
  • Leg: 26" (lost .5 inch)
  • Arm: 14" (lost .5 inch)

Not bad I think.  My arms and leg will probably lose more in the next 2 weeks with more walking.  I knew I had lost a couple of inches around my waist because my shirts feel a little different.

I'll have Jason take pictures of me tonight when he gets home from work.  Total inches lost off my body: 8.75  (about a pound for every inch)

This is what makes losing weight fun!  Looking at the numbers and seeing progress!

Time for my protein shake.  Check back later for updates....

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Dealing with food addiciton/ Eating disorder

So I've said in the past that I think I'm a food addict.  I am constantly consumed with food.  It seems like my day revolves around food.  I was like this in high school.

Let's go back to high school.  Junior year of high school was a bad year for me.  I went through what I think now is depression.  There was a time in that year where all I would eat during the day was sunflower seeds, no doze, and a lot of caffeine.  I weighed around 100-110 pounds and wore a size 0-2.  I don't really think I liked myself.  Even being skinny, I never really though I was thin enough.  When I looked in the mirror all I saw were things that I needed to change about my body. I had my group of friends but I wasn't really popular.  I tried to fit in with the popular crowd but I always felt different inside.  I was very self conscious and shy.  I'm not sure when everything changed for me but I think it was when I moved away right before my senior year of high school.

I became active in my church's youth group, met Jason and fell in love.  I then started gaining weight and felt happy about myself.  Jason loved me the way I was and I think I was just in a better place in my head.  I felt pretty and sexy and beautiful when I was around him.  He brought me back to life in a sense.  He was a year older than me so I was dating a college guy!  :)  He use to bring me breakfast before school every day.  We could leave campus for lunch and I would go out to eat with him a lot.  I use to always joke that Jason was the one who helped me to love food.

Now I can't seem to get food out of my head.  I love cooking and I love eating good foods.

I gained weight my senior year but was still active enough and maintained my weight at around 115-120.  It was over the next few years that I gained even more.  I was rather active in college that I never really gained the "freshman 15" and stayed my little skinny self.

After college I got married and started my teaching career.  I loved cooking and loved making good unhealthy yummy foods for Jason.  I wasn't as active and eventually my weight started getting out of control.  I got pregnant and then my weight just kept going down hill.  I think a lot of it had to do with feeling so tired teaching kindergarten and coming home to my own children that all I would do was put them to sleep and put myself to sleep!

So let's go back to the way my mind works.  I looked up the wiki on "food addiction" and found compulsive overeating.  I don't really think I binge eat but there are times when I am dieting that I have thrown in the towel and had a whole bag of chips, ice cream, pizza, etc.  Here is what wiki says about compulsive overeating:
Compulsive overeating, also sometimes called food addiction, is characterized by an obsessive/compulsive relationship to food. Professionals address this with either a behavior-modification model or a food-addiction model.[1] An individual suffering from compulsive overeating disorder engages in frequent episodes of uncontrolled eating, or binge eating, during which they may feel frenzied or out of control, often consuming food past the point of being comfortably full. Binging in this way is generally followed by feelings of guilt and depression. Unlike individuals with bulimia, compulsive overeaters do not attempt to compensate for their binging with purging behaviors such as fasting, laxative use or vomiting. Compulsive overeaters will typically eat when they are not hungry. Their obsession is demonstrated in that they spend excessive amounts of time and thought devoted to food, and secretly plan or fantasize about eating alone. Compulsive overeating usually leads to weight gain and obesity, but not everyone who is obese is also a compulsive overeater. While compulsive overeaters tend to be overweight or obese, persons of normal or average weight can also be affected.
In addition to binge eating, compulsive overeaters can also engage in grazing behavior, during which they return to pick at food throughout the day. These things result in a large overall number of calories consumed even if the quantities eaten at any one time may be small. When a compulsive eater overeats primarily through binging, he or she can be said to have binge eating disorder.

And here are the signs and symptoms:
  • Binge eating, or eating uncontrollably even when not physically hungry (YES)
  • Eating much more rapidly than normal (YES)
  • Eating alone due to shame and embarrassment (YES, in my room, I've run to the room with food before, I've hidden food)
  • Feelings of guilt due to overeating (YES)
  • Preoccupation with body weight (ALWAYS)
  • Depression or mood swings (YES)
  • Awareness that eating patterns are abnormal (Now I do)
  • Rapid weight gain or sudden onset of obesity (not really but a little)
  • Significantly decreased mobility due to weight gain (not really)
  • History of weight fluctuations (a little)
  • Withdrawal from activities because of embarrassment about weight (YES)
  • History of many different unsuccessful diets (YES- until I realized I needed a lifestyle change)
  • Eating little in public, but maintaining a high body weight (Sometimes)
  • Very low self esteem and feeling need to eat greater and greater amounts. (YES)

Right after I give in and eat the junk I feel very guilty and depressed about what I just did.  I can't force myself to throw up so I just deal with the guilt.  Some times when I deal with the guilt, I go eat more.  But most of the time I just think about it, beat myself up for it, ask myself why, and move on.

I feel like there is this constant battle going on inside me with my fat girl and skinny girl and a lot of the times the fat girl wins.

HOWEVER, this blogging world has really helped me open up myself and really dig deep to the issues I have.  I feel that having a support system and knowing there are people out here reading what I write and feeling the same way and working towards the same goals has really helped me keep it up.  The skinny girl has been winning these mind battles more often lately.  She's still quite weak and at times the fat girl and skinny girl have a compromise about whatever it is I'm wanting to eat.

I don't like the way I look.  I don't like how fat my face is, how I've got stretch marks and squishy belly, cellulite on my butt and legs, saggy boobs (thanks kids), and huge forehead (can't help that part), big arms, but I have to keep telling myself that I'm a work in progress and I will be skinny again, I will have muscles, I will wear smaller clothes and get to go shopping in normal stores!  I WILL and I CAN do it!

Tomorrow is my official 2 week weigh in and measurements and pictures.  I don't think we will see much difference.  I feel like I've done ok but I feel like I could have done better. 

I went walking tonight and made it an hour.  3.5 miles.

Thanks for reading the personal inside scoop into my brain and the way it functions.  Now get off your butt and go lose some weight!

Until we chat again...

Saturday, July 28, 2012

I thought I had done bad...

I thought for sure this morning I wouldn't see any movement on the scale.  I knew I had gone way over in sodium yesterday and ate more calories than I thought I should have.  I did however take my body cues and ate when my tummy told me to eat and stopped when I felt full but not stuffed. 

I had around 1800 calories yesterday, more than I've had in a while.  I did go swimming and I did walk my hour yesterday.

So I was really nervous to hop on the scale.  But I did and I am down .5 a pound.  :)  Hey, better than nothing or better than going up.  I was just sure I was gonna go up.

Today I plan to drink drink drink my water!  I don't think I drank enough yesterday at all.

I am happy to see the scale moving down for sure.  That puts my total lost in less than 2 weeks to 7 pounds.  If I can lose one more pound before Monday then I will have lost 4 pounds a week.  And I'm doing it healthy.  I'm not starving myself.  I'm working out and eating healthy.  That's what "dieting" is all about.  It's a lifestyle change.

I can also tell a difference in how my stomach feels.  That part just below my boobs is not as bloated feeling and doesn't pooch out like it had before.  I'm not sure I can tell in my face yet though.  I guess we shall see on Monday when I take my pictures (might do it Sunday cause that's how I did it the last go round)

So I'm off to shop for clothes for my husband with one child today!  YAY!  I've got a fantastic friend who offered to watch Lauren and Conner is over at my mom's house.

Well Jason is talking 90 miles an hour (must have already taken his ADD pill) so I can't really concentrate.

Off to get everyone ready...

Friday, July 27, 2012

Walk Complete!

I tried to get out earlier tonight and go walking while it was still light outside but again that just didn't happen.  I got to talking to my husband about stuff going on and then realized it was getting dark.  Nursed the baby and then it was well after 9 before I put my shoes on, checked facebook and then started walking close to 9:30.

I feel like it is a lot harder to walk just in my neighborhood.  I stay within my neighborhood and the one across the street when it's dark outside for safety.  I sure don't think anything would happen to me but in the event that it does I'd like to be close to home.

I have got to get some new music on my ipod.  I'm getting tired of the same songs.  I need some new inspiration to keep me going.  Suggestions?

I get started fine, find me a song to get me walkin and then get to a good pace and then start to wind down and look to find that I've only gone 30 minutes!  Ugh, I have to then find me a really good song and talk to that inner skinny girl of mine to keep on walking. 

Tonight I found the strength and the will to keep walking.  I won't go into detail about what kept me walking tonight but I found the fire in me to keep on going.

Just a short little snipet tonight, I'll post my weight any my feelings about my weight tomorrow.

I didn't eat horrible today but I had a few bites of things I probably shouldn't have had. 

I have got to force myself to eat breakfast first thing in the morning so I light that metabolism fire and remind myself to eat small snacks (healthy) during the day before I get super hungry and eat anything and everything in sight (didn't do that today but wanted to).

Off to drink some water and stretch and try to sleep (still having a hard time sleeping).

oh and I was thinking (I know, be careful, I could hurt myself doing that), last year I wanted to start a workout group with the teachers at my school.  I ended up getting pregnant and didn't do it.  I think this year I may do something.  We have a nice walking trail around our playground at school. I might start walking right after school is out and then go pick up my kids and then know that my workout is complete and I can enjoy my family.  When I went on maternity leave, I think they started some walking club... when I came back I heard about it but never really knew what was going on.  Maybe I can be more a part of that if we do that again. It just depends on how the school year starts out.  We have like 8 new teachers this year I think.  Big changes this year for sure!  Looking forward to an interesting year.

Until tomorrow...

Not loosing...

Well I'm a bit frustrated this morning.  I got on the scale and saw 212 today (was 213 and then I checked again and it said 212).  Ugh. I'm not losing.  It makes me so mad when I've done my walking every night and have no results.  Is it because I had those dorittos the other day?  Is it because I had too much sodium the other day?  Whatever it is is making me mad.

Why is it that on days I start the day off right by having my protein shake, that I'm hungry all day?  Then on days that I don't have my protein shake or anything for breakfast I can go until late afternoon and not feel hungry?

I know I need to start the day off right but it sure does feel better to know I've had less calories when I don't have breakfast.  :/

I asked my father-in-law last night about that and he said it's because your metabolism is up and running when you have breakfast and burns off those calories a lot faster than if you skip breakfast.  That sounds about right, is it?

I went for my walk last night and walked for only 45 minutes.  My thoughts were to come in and finish up on my bike... but that didn't happen.  :/

I'm motivated, I'm ready to lose this weight but it seems like there's something deep down inside me that is holding me back. 

Maybe it's because I'm nursing a baby?  Speaking of which... he's screaming for me...

I'm not sure what it is.  But I feel like I'm not going to make huge progress until I get to the bottom of the problem.

Here's a little story and then I'm going to go take a bath. 

We'll title it: The Person Beside me

So I was walking the other night and looked over to see this person beside me and I about jumped out of my skin.  This person was about as big as me, taller, and wearing all black.  I freaked out when I saw this person and then laughed when I realized who it was.  The person beside me was my darn shadow!  Ugh it scared me to death.  Then I got to thinking that the person beside me has been with me every step of the way.  She's there when I hold my head up high and walk my butt off.  She's there when I'm all out of breath and can't take one more step.  :)  I look forward to finding my skinny shadow.

Maybe I'm just all clogged up and that's why I don't see much change on the scale.

But then I really need to look at things.  I started on the 16th weighing in at 218.5.  In less than 2 weeks I have lost around 5.5-6.5 pounds.  That's something to be proud of. 


I was playing around with one of my weight loss tracker apps last night and put in my ultimate goal of 145 pounds.  I put in "aggressive" as far as reaching that goal and it gave me the date "March 21, 2013" as my end date.  That's one day before my birthday.  If I really put my mind to it and get with it I can lose 68 pounds by my birthday and reach my ultimate goal. 

So I've never really set a big ultimate goal before but along with my little goals like getting under 200 and then the 90's and 80's etc... my main goal is finally set and realized.  I have 68 pounds to lose (or 67 if I go with what I weighed in today).  I can do it, I will do it, I'm ready to do it!

How much do you have to lose?  How long are you giving yourself to reach that goal?

OOPS!  I turned the shower on...

until later...

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

oolong tea?

I'm not sure if I mentioned it in another post but I ordered myself some oolong tea.  It is suppose to help boost your metabolism and help burn fat. There's more research to it here.  I'm not good and remembering everything I hear other than, "it's good for you for some reason."

So I got my order last night and made me a pitcher of the tea today.  My first thoughts were- this has a hint of a coffee flavor.  It's like coffee/tea taste.  Then it kinda brought back memories of our hot tea we had at various Chinese places when we were kids.

I added a little lemon to it and drank me a glass.  :)

I'm going to attempt to drink it for a few weeks along with my diet and exercise and see if I notice any fast results.  If not, at least I'm getting my tea fix without the calories (no sugar added).

Time for dinner.  I think tonight I will just have a protein shake and maybe a kashi honey almond flax seed chewy bar later if I get hungry.

I'm about to go nurse the baby and get my workout gear on and go for a walk (if the hubby lets me go again after last night).  :)

Until later...

(is it funny that I'm actually looking forward to going for my walk?)  :)

Yesterday and Today

Let's go back to actually Monday night.  I went walking.  I told Jason to open the tail gate of his car if there was trouble inside and I would stop by.  So I set out to walk with my water in hand.  I went down to the stop light I had turned around at before (and where I told Jason I would turn around and come back) and was feeling good and decided to go farther.  So I ended up walking the whole street down to where I usually use to stop and turn around (takes me about 30 minutes to get there).  So I knew that I had gone about 30 minutes and would have 30 minutes to return home.  YAY!

It was hard about 1/2 home but then I saw what I thought was a friend.  It was starting to get dark and I was super tired.  When I saw what I thought was her, I started walking faster in hopes of maybe catching up.  Well when I finally caught up to her... it was someone else.  BUT! At least that got me walking faster for a while.  :)

I made it back to home and saw both of our vehicle tail gates open!  :O  Uh oh.  I went in to find my husband cleaning out the garage.  He said that Rylan had cried ever since I left.  I went in and nursed that poor baby who wasn't crying by the time I got back.

1 hour!  I finally made it 1 hour!  :)  That felt like a great accomplishment for me this time around.

So that was that for the end of the day.

Now on to yesterday... I started out the day just fine, had my protein shake, took the kids to boingo bounce (a place with a lot of those blow up jumpy things) and stayed there for an hour and a half.  Then went and ate lunch with Jason.  I resisted the temptation of the yummy buttery bread and pasta again and had me a nice salad with grilled chicken, shrimp, capers, and a Tuscan vinaigrette.  Very light and yummy.

I then took the kids to Shave the Planet (shaved ice) and I had a small sugar free peach.  That was fun and good.  It was hot outside but the kids did ok in the shade.

We came home and I put the kids down for a nap.  Then my brain started working.  That fat girl inside me was speaking to me LOUDLY!  I tried to ignore her but ended up giving into temptation.

I ate nacho cheese Doritos!  Ugh!  And then I ate a couple spoon fulls of goober peanut butter and jelly.

:/  Oh well, we make mistakes and move on from them.  I'm not going to dwell on it but I'm sure I put myself back a few days as far as losing weight.

After our nap we got up and got dressed in our swim suits and went swimming with my sister and her kids. I have no problem putting on my swim suit and going in public anymore.  I'm not self conscience of my fat in a swim suit.  I am what I am and I'm a work in progress.  So people can either chose to look or chose to look away.  :)

I bought pizza for the kids and my husband and I ate a little salad with oil and vinegar.  I think I still felt guilty and sick from eating Doritos and goober crap that I didn't eat much for dinner and drank a lot of water.  I got in the pool and moved my body around for maybe 30 minutes (more of less).

Today, I didn't have breakfast (should have forced myself to have a shake) and ate a nice salad and a frozen burrito.

BURRITO!  Yup!  It's on Dr. Oz's list of foods to eat.  :)  Amy's organic cheese burrito with beans and rice.  It's 310 calories, 9g fat, 580mg sodium, and something like 38 carbs (a lot).  So not back for when I go back to school and have a lunch on the go.

Well today I'm attempting to clean out the kids rooms but Lauren is standing here screaming at me so I think that will have to wait until after nap!  I get so sick of hearing her scream!  Why must children get so far under my skin and drive me crazy one minute and then be so super sweet the next?  Frustrating!

Well until we meet again...

Oh and I guess I should put my weight out here so I'll remember: 213 (yup that's what I get for having too much crap yesterday)

Monday, July 23, 2012

Busy Monday

Gonna attempt to make this a quick update post but you know how I like to ramble.  I have go take a shower and get ready, clean the house a little, and go up to the school to help pass out books to incoming kindergarten students.

So yesterday I went out to dinner and resisted the temptation to eat the bread!  Oh the bread that people brag about.  But I didn't take a bite at all!  I had chicken picatta without pasta and a greek side salad (with too much feta cheese but it was yummy).  For lunch yesterday I had a turkeybacon lettuce and tomato with avocado.  That was yummy.  The turkey bacon tasted like fried bologna more than bacon to me.

So over all I had 1300 calories and was over my sodium for the day.  So I knew I would probably not see a change on the scale.  I was right.  I was back up to 212.5. 

I did go walking yesterday morning but it was only for 30 minutes because it was way too hot.  I had planned on walking again that night but it was super late by the time we got home from dinner (which I have GOT to start eating dinner earlier).

I'm going to make myself go walking tonight after dinner.  I hope I can finally make it to 1 hour of walking.

Anyway, that's really all I have time to write right now. 

Until later...

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Day 7 of my journey

Well yesterday was a good day other than the fact that after I got back from my walk I couldn't recover.  I felt like I had been in the sun all day, was super tired, and hungry!

I drank 2 huge things of water and a protein shake.

I eventually had me some lunch: spinach, cherry tomatoes, and tuna with some asian dressing and 5 whole wheat ritz crackers for "croutons."  Not bad but a little dry.  I resisted the temptation to add more dressing.

I didn't eat dinner until 9:30 last night because it took that long for my husband to go get it for me!  I was so weak and tired!  I don't remember chewing my food last night when I did finally eat.

So I weighed in today thinking I would be up because I felt like I had too much sodium yesterday.

I weighed in at 211.5 pounds!  That's 2 more pounds gone, making my grand total so far at 7.5 pounds lost since I started on Monday.  Yippeee!

Are you ready for some TMI?  If not then I'll talk to you later, if so then read on...

So over a month ago I went to the doctor for my check up and got myself an IUD (little thing they put inside that has hormones and is a birth control).  I had talked to a few friends about it and went for it.  Well I was so pissed when I saw my first drop of blood.  I'm nursing a baby so I really shouldn't have my period until he's at least 6 months (that's how it was with my other babies).  Friends said it was probably not my period and probably just some spotting and me getting use to the IUD.  So ok I got over it.  Well I have been bleeding ever since.  It comes and goes but the past few days I have noticed cramps and what appears to be more of a period.  I'm just so darn pissed!  I'm tired of seeing blood.  You see if for like 4-5 weeks after baby.  I had just gotten use to not wearing a pad and now I have to wear one EVERY STINKIN DAY!  I'm gonna call my doctor on Monday and make sure this is normal.  I've read online that it is.  Oh well, at least this will cause my periods to be lighter and they said they may stop after a few months.  And at least I won't have any more babies!

Ok thanks for reading my TMI section.

In other news, I'm tired but I think I may get up and go walking.  It's fairly early and I'm not going back to sleep.

Rylan has been a little fussy (not gassy) and I'm wondering if my milk supply may be going down just a bit.  I'm gonna up my calorie intake just a little and see how that goes for a few days.

I've decided that this go round, I'm not going to do weekly pictures but do them every other week.  So you won't see my results pictures and measurements until next week.  However, I would like to just see if I've lost any inches this week so I may go ahead and do it for this week... we'll see...

and on that note, I must go nurse a fussy baby, and fuss at the oldest child for waking the 2 year old up!  Ugh, so much for my morning walk!  :/

Laters bloggers,

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Working out!

Man I'm sweaty!  I completed my workout today and I'm feeling GREAT!

I started walking about 11:15 this afternoon (I was going to get up earlier but I couldn't seem to get up) and walked for 40 minutes (4,600 steps).  Great way to get a sunburn!  :O  Not sure if I'm burned or if I'm still red from being hot!

I started out great.  I walked my usual old route and got about 1/2 way to my destination and started feeling HOT!  Good thing I brought my water with me (not enough though).  I got to my destination thanks to Michael Jackson and turned around the head back home.  Getting home was hard.  It took all my power to make it back home.  By the time I reached my neighborhood I was hot, unable to really pick my feet up and could barely carry my water bottle.  I made it home and plopped down on the couch and had my hubby (thank you baby) take my shoes off, refill my water (I've already had over 32 oz of water today), and hand me a wet wipe.  What a workout!

I had mixed a free sample of Assault into my water before I started my walk.  I figured it would kick in and help me keep on truckin.  Well it said it would kick in 20-30 minutes... it kicked in about 45 minute later (after I was home)!  So after cooling off and nursing the baby I got up and got on my stationary bike (didn't want to waste the feeling I had).  I rode that for another 40 minutes. 

What a great feeling!  I powered through the pain and kept on truckin!  It is so rewarding to not give up and to power through it and accomplish what you set out to do!!!  GO ME!

Last night I went out to say goodbye to a fantastic teacher and friend.  I had a couple of drinks but didn't overdo it.  I drank 3 huge glasses of water while I was out and did eat a grilled chicken salad (which was just grilled chicken, lettuce, red bell pepper, and some salsa for dressing- smart idea, right?)  :)  The salsa was PERFECT used as a dressing.  I'm going to do that more often.  They did serve it with ranch but I put that to the side and didn't touch it.  Yum yum!

So today I haven't had any soup and I don't think I can.  I think I'm officially cancelling the cabbage soup diet and starting in on my better eating.  I like counting my calories and watching the sodium and carbs and sugars and well everything.  I feel like I have a grasp on healthy eating now and can power through temptations.

Time for a shower cause this fat girl can sweat!  :)

Until next time...

Friday, July 20, 2012

Day 4 of cabbage soup diet (round 2) BLEH!

I don't wanna do it anymore!  I could barely stomach 1 bowl yesterday.  I guess I'll try to keep it up but I may just start into by lifestyle eating of low everything diet (low fat, low sugar, low sodium, low calories) and high fiber, protein diet. Today is banana and milk day!

I was down 1 1/2 pounds today, weighing in at 213.  So that brings my grand total lost since Monday to (drum roll please), 5.5 pounds lost forever. I'm sure a lot (or most) of what I lost was water weight but you gotta start somewhere, right?  :P

I didn't sleep good last night at all.  That's night 2 of no sleep and I'm exhausted!  My legs are sore and I couldn't get comfy.  The minute I did I had to take care of children.  Lauren decided to take her diaper off some time last night and woke up soaking wet and freezing cold.  So I had to change her sheets and clean her up at 2 am.  It was actually quite funny watching her walk around, she was stumbling like her daddy does when he first gets up.  She's still asleep (it's after 10am).  Then right as that happened, Rylan woke up to nurse!  YAY!  I love that.  I miss him when he's asleep.  I know that's silly but I think because he is my last baby that I soak up maybe more of his sweetness.

OH MY GOODNESS CONNER!  Why must children get under my skin so early in the morning.  He usually gets up on his own in the morning and watches cartoons or plays video games.  Lately he has decided to also make himself breakfast.  I've got to teach him what breakfast is because he's had like 5 of those pop ice popsicles!  That's not a good way to start the day!  I told him to go grab a banana! 

So sad about the shooting in Colorado today.  My goal today is to hug and play with my children.  I will make more of an effort to smile when I'm around them and not let them get under my skin so much!  They are just children. 

OH! I put the stationary bike inside last night.  I rode it for a little before I had to get off and nurse the baby.  I think I'll go ride that and watch the news and drink my protein shake. :)

Until next time...

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Babies, Boobies, and Dr. OZ

Congrats to a friend who just had her first little bundle of joy.  What is it about people having babies that make me want another child?  I've got 3 already (one only a few months old) and I can't stand 2 of them most of the time.  Probably it's that feeling of newness, being in the hospital, that first cry.  Maybe it just brings back the memories of all my children being born.  So happy for first time mommies because I can relate to that feeling they are having.  It is such a joy to bring a child into this world.  It does get rough but to look at the child and know that I created that (well with the help of my husband) is so amazing.... anyway, enough mushy gushy.

I attempted to go walking this evening so I could escape the house (husband doesn't complain if I go walking and he has to deal with the kids) and because I was basically having a meltdown from being around my children who refused to take a nap and were screaming and yelling and fighting ALL DARN DAY! (ok I'm over it, don't want anymore children!)

I went around the block once and passed by a house where people were sitting outside (hmmm not sure why? It was like 100000 degrees outside) and looked down to watch my boobs just bounce (I'm not running, just walking).  Oops, crazy lady should have maybe put on a bra (I was just wearing my nursing tank).  Then I started thinking- my spandex outfit (oh you know the one) doesn't fit my boobs!  Probably because they are milky milky boobs and probably because I've gained a ton of weight! So I can't wait to lose some weight and fit back into my spandex (who knew you could be too big for something STRETCHY!)

Anyway, on to my last post part: Dr. Oz.  Darn you Dr. Oz! Oh and the Doctors (that young doctor is pretty hot!).  I ordered me some cacao powder and oolong tea because the Doctors said it helps boost your metabolism.  We shall see.  I like tea and I like chocolate so this couldn't be too bad.  I wanted to order more and more things but alas I have no money (bought a van to fit the family- another reason I DON'T WANT MORE CHILDREN- though another child would fit in the van).

But back to Dr. Oz- I watched 1/2 of his show tonight (ANOTHER REASON NOT TO HAVE ANOTHER CHILD! you can't ever seem to finish a show) and he was talking about the 99 foods to have or to buy that are quick and easy and healthy for a dieter.  So I will be taking his little (it's actually not little, there are 99 things on there) list and highlighting some of the items on there and hit the store (when I don't have 3 children to take with me, so who knows when that will happen). 

I think I'll attempt his diet for the next few weeks and see how that goes.  It looks like it will flow right into the cabbage soup diet ending....

Speaking of the cabbage soup diet- I haven't had one bowl of soup today!  I can't force myself to eat it.  I'm hungry right now but really have no appetite for anything. 

Today I ate:
Breakfast: Whey Protein shake (no clumps this time)
Lunch: Bag of broccoli stir fry mix with a little Newman's own dressing (which Dr. Oz mentioned on his show today too!), a little ground turkey in it too.
Dinner: 1 filet of tilapia with Mrs. Dash lemon pepper and brown rice (like a couple of spoon fulls), and some mixed steamed veggies (which were also mentioned on Dr. Oz today!) oh and a taste of my lemon butter caper sauce (yummy)

That's it and I haven't really been hungry.  I remember it being this way the last time I started my diet.

I think the problem is that I like to snack for no reason.  So now that I'm conscience of what I'm putting in my mouth and accountable for all of it, I just don't have the desire to snack.

I am starting to feel hungry so I think I might go fix me a bowl of soup or eat some frozen fruit (yeah that sounds yummy).

Laters, baby... :P

Coffee grinds, stretch marks, and a slip in slide!

So I watched Dr. Oz yesterday and he was talking about ways to get rid of cellulite.  This reminded me of something my friend had pinned about stretch marks and making your own stretch mark stuff.

So I got the bright idea to make my own.  I saw somewhere online about using coffee grinds and olive oil to make a paste.  So I got out some Vanilla coffee I had that we weren't going to use and some olive oil and put it in a jar and mixed it up.  It smells yummy...

Then I got in the shower and started scrubbing myself with the paste.  First thing I noticed is how messy this was going to be.  Then I started noticing how I was sliding around in the shower!  UH OH!  Darn it, I shouldn't have used olive oil, maybe just water with the coffee (next time I'll do that).  The shower was now covered (and my body) with coffee grinds and olive oil that wouldn't wash away like I have envisioned it happening.

I let it soak in as good as I could (great exfoliater and moisturizer) and had to cut that short because all 3 children wanted my attention (of course).  I attempted to wash this off (I now have a bar of soap that looks like vanilla bean ice cream) and had to clean the shower (which needed to be clean anyway) fast!

So my thoughts on the coffee olive oil cellulite or stretch mark paste?- will do it again in a few days because my skin feels exfoliated and smooth. (might leave out the olive oil next time!)

Now to deal with the 2 year old who decided to take her diaper off!!!!  and scream about it!  Can we say NAP TIME!

Until we meet again... 

Day 3 of the cabbage soup diet (round 2) and other thoughts

So today starts day 3 of the cabbage soup diet.  I ended yesterday well.  I had dinner and then I didn't snack at all before going to bed.

I weighed in this morning at 214.5.  A loss of 4 pounds so far!  :)

For dinner I had a bowl of soup followed by a side salad with lettuce, spinach, tomatoes, green onion, a bit of purple onion, and a light Newman's Own asian dressing (very tasty for only 35 calories).  I had a baked potato with a little country crock and Mrs. Dash.  I was super full after all of that.  I drank more water yesterday and had lemon in my water.

So I stayed at about 1000 calories and felt fine.  So far, no problems with the baby nursing or my milk supply.

Yesterday's goal was to do some kind of exercise.  At 9:00pm I had not completed my goal yet.  I couldn't get the bike in the house, so I put on my shoes, got my ipod and went for a WALK!  I think I left at maybe 9:30 and got done at 10:13.

The first time around the block was easy and I even ran a little (well what I think is running may be more like dragging my feet and flopping up and down).  The second time around the block was a little harder.  Then by round 3 I was ready to give up... but then a song came on... don't feel like saying which Prince song it was... and I got my mojo back and kept walking.  I went around for the 4th time and saw that I had only taken 3700 steps.  So I kept going again for the 5th time around.  I ended up stopping after that and I had taken almost 5000 steps.  Good enough for my first time back out.  I wanted to be able to do it again the next day, so I went inside.

I felt so good (and so sweaty) about walking.  It brought back so many happy thoughts.  Some of the songs reminded me of when I was on my last journey.  I am looking forward to going again tonight!!!  I wish I could go during the day but I'm not about to take 3 kids with me.  I'm going to have to get out there earlier tonight because I couldn't sleep at all last night.  My body was too awake and I tossed and turned!

So I'm glad I set a goal yesterday and I'm glad I blogged about it because I knew I would have to come back out here and update this and I sure didn't want to have to say I DIDN'T reach my goal.

So set yourself a goal today.  Today my goal is 2 parts.  1.  Drink 6-8 glasses or more of water!  2.  Walk for 1 hour!

Until next time...

Oh and the cabbage soup- is making me a bit gassy!  :P

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Goals and I'm losing my mind!

So I feel that setting small attainable goals work for me (most of the time).  Today's goal is to do some kind of workout.  I haven't done anything as far as working out on this round of losing weight and I think it's time!

So tonight, I'm going to get that darn stationary bike inside in the living room, sit my fat butt on it, and watch BIG BROTHER while I bike!  :)  I may put it in the kitchen and bike while I cook... jk.

I can't seem to get my butt up and going but I sure can pinterest and take notes on Dr. Oz about healthy eating and exercises.

Today I learned a few tips on boosting your metabolism.... though I can't remember what they are right now (I did take notes but they are in the other room, is that me being lazy?). 

I guess I need to do some things to help boost my memory too!  I have a hard time even remembering the simple things like how I told myself I was going to get up early and take me an ADD pill and get my butt moving!  I didn't get started actually cleaning until late morning (close to 11).  But at least I did like 5 loads of laundry so far.  That's a good thing for my memory!  Remembering that I was doing laundry.  I tend to forget and then it takes me twice as long!

I guess my blog posts are going to be short because right when I get started I have a child that either runs up and starts talking to me or wants to be fed or needs their butt wiped.  Oh the joys of being a parent.

I was going to say something else...but of course, I forgot (oh the joys of having children, they take all your smarts and memory!).

And on that note, I must go nurse one upset baby and get onto the older child for making him upset!

Until we fart again... meet again...

Day 2 of Cabbage Soup Diet (round 2)

Woke up this morning and weighed myself.  Down to 215.5.  Lost 3 pounds... of water!  :P

Our power went out last night for 2 hours!  That sucked because I was so bored that all I could think about was food.  I had a hard time not giving in to my fat girl.  She kept craving McDonalds and sugar!  But I did good.  I did eat a few snacks before going to bed but it was an apple, some tomatoes, a little cheese (bad), a handful of pretzels (bad), and some frozen fruit.  So I'm happy with myself.  I didn't even eat any of the spaghetti or garlic bread last night!

This morning I got up and had me a protein shake.  I hate when you drink a shake and find a chunk of powder in it!  Ugh!  Bleh!

Feeling hungry now so I think its time for my first bowl of soup and then some stir fry veggies for lunch.  Today is the veggie day.  I'll probably throw in some ground turkey for a little added protein.

Well it's time to nurse the baby (no gassiness for him yet) and clean off all the oatmeal on the 2 year old!

I'll update later today with more about this round of the cabbage soup diet.

Until later...

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Cabbage soup diet- day 1 (round 2)

I was going back through my last year's experience with the cabbage soup diet and so far I'm feeling about the same as I was. 

I have had 2 bowls of the soup today.  I did drive around Chick fil a and get me a grilled chicken sandwich and a large thing of fruit and only ate the fruit and chicken (no bun or anything else). 

For breakfast I drank me a protein shake (not a part of the soup diet)
For lunch I had chick fil a chicken and fruit (chicken not on the soup diet)
For a snack I had me a bowl of soup, 3 clementines, and a handful of yucky blueberries (kinda mealy?)
For dinner tonight I'm heating up leftover spaghetti and garlic bread!  NOT FOR ME!  Ugh it's gonna be hard not to eat that bread! 
For dinner for me I'm having .... drum roll please.... SOUP!  lol.  I think I'm going to cook some ground turkey to go in it as a little added protein.

So really, I'm not doing the cabbage soup diet to the T at all.  I'm just adding protein to each day.

Tomorrow is veggie day and I bought me some baby spinach for a salad (or I may heat it up in my soup) and some frozen veggies for a stir fry.  I'll probably stick to having a protein shake for breakfast.

I'm sure you all want to read such boring information but I like journaling.  It was great to read back my thoughts and feelings from last year.

Bathroom news!  WOOHOO! The interesting info:

PEEING A LOT.  I said that last year and I'll say it again, I'm getting rid of a lot of water weight.  My way of eating before deciding to diet was loaded with sodium so I'm sure my body has a lot of water to get rid of.

And we'll leave the poop part out this go round.  I'm sure you don't want to know about all of that crap. :P

So far, Rylan hasn't been fussy yet with any gas from me having the cabbage. 

So that's all the news I have for day 1.  I'm gonna go call my husband and see if he will bring me home some fruit!  :)

Until we meet again...

Cabbage soup is on

So this morning I woke up and made my soup.  Mmm sure does bring back memories.  :P  I added zuchini to it this time and used V8 juice instead of regular tomato juice.  Looking forward to trying some after it's all cooked for a few hours.

I woke up this morning and weighed myself.  I was at 217.  Down 1.5 pounds.  :P  I'm sure it is just because I weighed earlier than I did yesterday.

I didn't work out yesterday but I felt like I had after going grocery shopping and pushing 2 children and groceries and carrying Rylan in the moby wrap.

I got hungry last night and food consumed my mind!  I could think of all the things I bought for my kids and the one thing that kept coming back in my mind was the goober peanut butter and jelly!  I couldn't get it out of my mind and I knew that I would try to eat other things until finally giving in and having some.  So I gave myself a little teaspoon of the stuff and moved on.  I ended up eating a yogurt (activia light) and some carrots and tomatoes and felt satisfied and went to bed.

I had my protein shake (gonna add another scoop next time) for breakfast and haven't had lunch yet.

I know this is going to be a hard first week of shrinking my stretched out stomach so I've got to power through the hunger pains.  Most of the pains are in my head anyway.

I plan to get my exercize bike in the living room again and ride it today.

......... (nursing the baby now be back later to finish)

After nursing the baby, feeding the other children, doing some laundry, and watching Anderson the soup is ready.  :)

Time to go grab me a bowl of cabbage soup.  Yum yum!

Until next time...

(thank you to all my friends who have already started cheering me on, you don't know how much that means to me! It helped me from eating the whole dang jar of goober peanut butter and jelly last night!)

Monday, July 16, 2012

The dreaded before pictures!

Ugh!  I don't want to do this.  I don't want to look at what I've become.  But in order to move forward I've got to look at the truth.  So here goes!  Please don't judge me.  This is hard to put out here for everyone to see.  I may not go walking in the neighborhood until it's dark tonight!

So here's the front.  Enough said.

Here's my back side.  Ugh!
And here's the side shot!  AHHH!  My belly is huge and my boobs don't fit in this shirt (I am nursing a baby).

Here's a close up of my face.  I couldn't open my eyes because it was too bright but my eyes won't get any smaller so that's ok. 
I'm disappointed in myself but I've got to get over it and start working towards becoming a better me.  So there I am, back in my spandex ready to tackle the world. 

Today I did good eating.  Well, I didn't have breakfast because I didn't know what to eat and I didn't have my protein stuff yet.

Lunch: taco salad with grilled chicken, no sour cream, no cheese, and didn't eat the taco bowl (from Flying Burrito), and water.
Snack: a handful of gardetto's rye chips and some little tomatoes
Dinner: Spaghetti with whole grain pasta (with lean ground beef and some italian sausage).  Maybe 2 cups worth and no seconds.
Let's hope I can make it through the night without snacking.  And if I do, I'll just grab some more tomatoes and some carrots.

Tomorrow starts my modified version of the cabbage soup diet (added protein).  I'm basically going to eat the soup any time I feel like snacking and add some chicken or ground turkey to it and eat fresh fruits and veggies.

Ok, enough for tonight.  Time to... get ready to go walking after I put the kids to bed and it gets dark!

Until next time...

Measurements and Weight (comparison)

7/28/11 Measurements and Weight 181
  • Waist: 37"
  • Hips: 42"
  • Chest: 39"
  • Neck: 13"
  • Leg: 23"

7/16/12 Measurements and Weight 218.5
  • Waist: 46.25"
  • Hips: 48.5"
  • Chest: 45.5"
  • Neck: 15.5"
  • Leg: 25.5"
  • Arm: 14.5" 
Well here are the results above.  I couldn't find my measuring tape so I used ribbon and then measured it... so they might not be spot on today.  I'll do it again tonight after going to the store and see if there was any change.

Let's compare

This time last year I weighed 181.  I now weigh 218.5.  A gain of  37.5 pounds. 
Waist: gain of 9.25"
Hips: gain of  6.5"
Chest: gain of 6.5"
Neck: gain of 2.5"
Leg: gain of 2.5"

EYE OPENER!  I wish I had my measurements from when I first started my journey to see how much more I've gone up since beginning last time.

I've got a lot of work to do but it is quite exciting to think about re-measuring myself in 2 weeks to see the loss!  Something to look forward to.

Slept in this morning (thank you children).  Now it's after 10am and I've gotta go nurse the baby and get children dressed and ready so we can go grocery shopping. 

I'm not sure if I'm going to start the cabbage soup diet today or wait until tomorrow.  I'm going to start counting my calories for sure today and maybe do some zumba on the wii (if Conner will let me, he's been hooked to the XBOX360 today).  :)

Questions for the day (comment below if you want):
1.  How often do you weigh yourself?
2.  Do you measure yourself?  If so, what do you measure that I'm not.
3.  What do you eat/drink for breakfast?

Until we meet again...  (probably later tonight once I put on my spandex and take the dreaded before pictures) :)

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Tomorrow's the next chapter in my weightloss journey!

I have laid around for the past few days sleeping the day away and thinking about how I hate my body right now.  So enough is enough.

TOMORROW- July 16th 2012 starts round 2 in my journey towards finding my inner skinny girl.

How am I going to start?  First of all, I'm breastfeeding and have read online many different places that the cabbage soup diet should not be done while breastfeeding.  So, here's what I'm going to do with that diet.  It worked for me in jumpstarting me into eating better last time so I know it will work this time.  But things will have to be different.  I'm going to add 40grams (I think that's right) of protein to this diet and add a few more healthy calories for the baby.  I don't want this to affect my milk supply so if I see that it is then I will up the calories a little.

One of my main.. ok 2 of my main problems right now are: 1.  Eating CRAP throughout the day and 2. SUGAR!  I'm going to stop drinking sweet tea and cokes and drink more water.

I might add in a little fruit juice to my water for flavor but NO more drinking Dr. Pepper's and Sunny D and sweet tea!

I'm going to get back to counting my calories and making note of everything I put in my mouth!

I am going to do it this time!  I'm ready.  I think I laid around the past few days feeling sorry for myself and dwelling on the fact that I've gained a TON of weight since losing it all the last time.

That will just make my journey even more exciting, more weight to lose, more muscle to gain, more pictures to post.  :)

So tomorrow I will dust off my old spandex and take a "before" picture once again.  I will honestly post my weight every week and I will take results pictures.  Oh and like my good friend Lori told me to do, I will take my measurements too!

I really think blogging and taking pictures helped me lose the weight I lost before getting pregnant.  I don't think I could have done it without my blog stalkers and friends constantly cheering me on.

So hello ninja blender, hello cabbage soup, hello whey protein, hello bicycle, hello dusty old tennis shoes, hello pink iPod nano, hello scale, and hello SPANDEX!  It's time to say goodbye to the fat and hello to the skinny!


And on that note, let's think about goals.  I'll round up a couple of pounds and say I weight 220 pounds (ugh that's hard to admit, that's the most I have EVER weighed! Actually right before baby was born I weighed 231 making it a grand total of 50 pounds gained with baby number 3)

So, if my first mini goal is to be under 200 pounds, that would be about 20 pounds to lose which could take me about 2 months?  Could I do it in 1 month if I put my mind to it and really worked my tail off?

I'll try.  So I would like to be under 200 pounds by August 16th.

Then my next goal will be to be out of the 190's.  I'll set that after I reach my first goal.

Tomorrow I'll post my measurements and weight and clothing size and pictures.  Looking forward to grocery shopping tonight!  :)

Until we meet again...

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Where has the inner skinny girl gone?

My inner skinny girl is burried deep inside me and every now and then she talks to me... but lately it's hard to hear her. 

I'll admit it.  Yes I had a baby 3 months ago but I gained over 50 pound with this pregnancy.  Pre-pregnancy weight was 184 I think (maybe less).  I ended this pregnancy at 230 I think (maybe a little more or less).

Rylan is now 3 months old and I've only lost about 10-12 pounds.  That's basically the weight of the baby and all the other stuff.

I eat like a crazy woman!  I eat a meal and then turn around and eat a snack.  I'm hungry all the time. ALL THE TIME! 

I am breastfeeding and know I need extra calories but not as much as I'm taking in!

Right now as I type about food it makes me want to get up and eat something.

Something has to change.  I keep telling myself that when Rylan is done breastfeeding then I'll start working out and losing weight.  That's silly, that's almost a year away. 

So I have got to dig deep into myself and find that skinny girl who is unable to really speak to me because she is surrounded by fat. 

I'm back to my size 18.  I was almost down to a 12.  I'm back to stretching out my size XL to make it work.  I HATE MY BODY right now. 

And to make matters worse, I wish I was enjoying my children but right now I can't stand to be around the older 2.  They are loud, they behave terrible, and make me want to scream (and I do at times).  I'm trying to sit here and type and all my oldest child wants to do is make annoying sounds, ask me a question over and over and over and get right up in my face.  Why must MY children be so annoying?  I'm ready to go back to work (not ready to leave Rylan yet though).

The house is a mess and I can't seem to declutter the crap.  I had a garage sale a couple of weekends ago and I thought I was getting rid of a lot... but there is still crap all over the house!

I need a big life change.  I need to clean the house, train my children, and lose weight.  I need my life to be in order.  I'm tired of all the chaos and crap!  But in order to do that, I need to find the strength within me to get my butt up and work on changing my life. I'm not sure I have the strength right now.  I just feel like taking a nap and forgetting the fact that I'm fat, the house is a mess, and my children are hard to be around.

I shouldn't feel this way.  I should want to be around my children, want to feel better about myself and enjoy living in my house!  DARN IT! 

And on that note, Rylan is wanting to nurse and the kids have finished their oatmeal and are screaming for more!


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