Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Not a weightloss entry... my child...

Yes I know, I've been MIA for a while!  I've fallen off the blogging world, weight loss world, my fat girl has taken over.  But there is hope.  Today I went to Chick-Fil-A and didn't get fries!  I got a salad.  :)  Baby steps, right?  :)  I haven't really gained any weight but I haven't gone down either.  I can tell that from all the CRAP I've been eating that my tummy is bloated and I feel tired all of the time.

Being tired could be because I also started back to teaching.  I moved to Kindergarten this year and am enjoying it.  The first week of course I wanted to go home and cry and give up.  But they are slowly learning the rules and doing great... most of them.

Speaking of Kindergarten, my baby started Kindergarten this year.  I warned everyone at the end of last year that he was going to be a handful and everyone assured me that once he started school he would do great.  Wellllll, not so much.

I am so sad today.  Conner had a very bad day.  I feel so sorry for him.  I have already met with the principal, his teacher, and the counselor about him and ways to help him.  He is having a hard time in a group setting and a hard time transitioning from one thing to the next.  There is so much I could say and explain but right now I'll just say that we feel he has aspergers.  I have been told this by more than one place.

At his daycare when he was about 3 I think, the owners of the daycare mentioned to me the possibility of him having asperger tendencies (both of the owners are/were special education teachers).  Well at the time I took this very hard.  Here's my baby, with something wrong.  So I put off testing and just blamed the daycare and blamed the people who were teaching him.  I just figured it wasn't structured enough, it was the other kids, he was just a normal boy.

I talked to other people who just told me that he'd learn how to behave and that he would grow out of it...

So after more and more problems and nothing but "bad days," I moved him when he was 4 to a pre-school.  I thought the "structure" and learning environment would help change the way he was behaving.  He had been at the daycare for pretty much his whole life. 

He did GREAT for the first couple of weeks... or so I thought.  Then I started talking to his teacher about his behavior and at the time it was the yelling out and the cussing.  We eventually got the foul language under control and then came the screaming out, yelling at the teacher, not doing what he was told, so on and so forth.

We started a behavior calendar with him and started making a little progress.  They mentioned to me that maybe he was having some sensory issues.  So ok I can deal with that, sensory issues.  Give him something heavy to cary across the room, let him plug his ears when it's too loud or go to a different spot in the room to "get away" from the noise.

Right as I started getting him some help and working with him, I had Rylan and we were home for the summer.  I started looking forward (nervously) to him going off to Kindergarten, enjoying school, and getting better... more "normal."

School started and the very first day of school he was sent to the office.  I can't remember what for (since there has been so many problems) but it was either hitting, yelling, running away, or not doing what he was told.

Since then we have met with the principal, counselor, and his teacher and that's when it hit me like a ton of bricks.  It isn't the environment around him, it isn't his teacher, it isn't the other kids, it's Conner.  My child IS different.

It really hit me and opened my eyes when the district school psychologist came in to observe him and without being told which child she was there to observe she had him picked out within seconds of walking into the room.  It hit me even more when she handed me a Aspergers rating scale form to fill out and I was looking for a higher number to rate him on most questions! (from 0-3... where's the 4!)

It made me so sad to see him in the hallways so frustrated that people were "cheating" when he couldn't get his shoe back on and other kids were going around him in line.  It made me so sad when he came back to the classroom screaming and angry because he didn't get a prize at the assembly for "self-control."  It made me really sad when I took him into my classroom to talk to him and ask him why he was so frustrated today and he said, "mommy, I HATE SCHOOL! I don't want to be here to learn anything."  It made me so sad to see someone trying to play tag with him and he was so confused and angry that she was chasing him (ok it was sad but a little funny).

He is on a sticker chart to try and help.  I'm not sure it's helping at all.  But today he got 4 which is better than yesterday (2).  It made me want to cry when he came into my room earlier and on his way out he said, "goodnight mommy, I love you, tomorrow I'll get more stickers I hope." Oh he wants to be good, he wants to do what's right, he just doesn't know how and his little brain works and functions differently than other kids.

I want him to be happy, I want him to love school, I want him to learn,... but I know that it's not going to be easy, that we are going to have to learn how to deal with him better....

Which brings me to testing and the diagnosis... Insurance is CRAP!  Let me just say that I have been trying to get him in to be tested.  I'm in the process of switching from Jason's work insurance to my school insurance (because Jason got another job and he won't be on insurance for 3 months).  I was told by one place where I was going to take Conner to be diagnosed that my insurance would probably not cover it.  Without insurance it would cost 2400 dollars for him to be tested!  So feel free to donate to the Asperger testing fund!  I won't be able to get him tested for that price.  I'm going to have to check around with other places and see what I can do.  For now I'll go the school route and see what my steps are to getting him some help (and everyone at school has been great so far without him even being tested!!!).

I feel so emotionally drained.  It has been a very stressful day today... so much on my mind.

I'm getting sick and I think it's because of the stress.  So on that note, I'll leave the blogging world and join the TV world and watch Big Brother.

Thanks for listening... until next time... hopefully soon! 


  1. I'm sad to hear about your struggles, but I know that Connor is a very extraordinary person and a blessing to this world. Hang tough and stick in there. I know it might not seem like it not, but there are so many options and resources out there. One thing at a time. - Kassi Kennedy

  2. Leah, you can make it thru this, If I can you can. I am an old woman, you are young! lol. I have cried many tears, almost daily. Evan is the opposite, he has good behavior at school but away from school we have alot of problems. He struggles alot academically and developmentally. He does not have aspergers but pdd-nos along with multiple developmental disorders which is also on the spectrum. My nephew is 9 and also has aspergers but my sister cannot afford to get him tested either. God has given you yes you this child for a reason. He knows what He is doing! Just know you are not going thru this alone. I will be praying for you and Conner daily and if you need to talk feel free to do so, we can cry together, always makes me feel better!


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