Friday, May 3, 2013

Skinny girl obsessed!

Well it's Friday night and no lives in Candy Crush... what's a girl to do?  :)

This has been a GREAT week for weightloss!  Not so much in working out because of such a busy afternoon schedule but I managed to get a few days in.

I started getting frustrated because I kept waking up and seeing the same dang number on the scale.  Clothes don't lie that I'm losing weight but the scale just wasn't moving (and it had only been a little over a week but I'm used to seeing it move every 3-4 days).

So, after getting frustrated I drank a ton of water and peed ALL DAY LONG!  The next day, poof 1 pound lighter!  HA!

Then I woke up this morning and I was down another 1.5 pounds!  I had to take a second look because it was early and I thought I read the scale wrong.  :)

So that brings my total pounds lost to 15 pounds since starting round 3... at the end of March.


I am eating good but having a hard time eating anything that I have no idea how many calories are in it or having an "off" day... it's hard to force myself to eat more than 1200 calories (and most days I'm under).

I have told myself that it's ok to eat more just one day but then I can't seem to put the food in my mouth.

For instance, I took Conner to the psychiatrist the other day to get him some medicine (and we ended up putting him on some anxiety medicine... which is starting to give me more anxiety than him... but that's another story).

Anyway, after his appointment I took him to Dairy Queen to have dinner.  I got him a kids meal and couldn't figure out what I wanted/could eat so I ended up not getting anything and thinking about it while he played and ate his food.

So... as he was playing, I got on my fitness pal and looked up calories and got frustrated because I couldn't find what I wanted to get.  Eventually I gave up and got a kids meal and had a kids ice cream cone for desert (hell it comes with the kids meal, couldn't let that go to waste).  I felt guilty for eating the ice cream cone! 

I should have just ordered whatever and had whatever but my little bitch skinny girl wouldn't let me... it has kinda become an obsession to know exactly what I'm putting in my body and how many calories and fat and sodium and everything else in food before I eat one dang bite.

I wish I could just have an "off" day and maybe I will but right now I'm quite scared of gaining it all back... which I know one day won't gain it all back.

Not sure that makes sense, but I write that to say, this skinny girl inside me is a bit obsessed with losing weight.  It's on my mind constantly, which I guess is good to some extent.... but this skinny girl kinda needs to chill out just a little bit!

Anyway,  I have noticed 3 areas of my body that are changing.

1.  BOOBS- of course they are the first to go and really... I'm ok with that!  Jason was the first to notice them disapearing (granted they are still huge!  Just not as huge and they don't seem to wrap all the way around my back!  HA!

2.  BELLY- though it isn't going away nearly as fast as I'd like (I know... slow and steady), it isn't as "bloated."  It's still that squishy baby fat but when I put on a tight shirt to suck it all in, it's starting to not poke out as bad.

3.  BUTT-  Didn't really realize it until a friend said my tushy looked tiny (I think she was exagerating!) in the hallway at school today.  And when I bend down, my pants don't show my butt crack as much!  LOL!

Conner asked me today, "mommy, are you not fat anymore?"  I thought it was a compliment but then he said, "cause I don't want to stay at school that long anymore!"  So what he thought was because I didn't stay and work out today, that I must have been done trying to lose weight!  Silly kid!

Losing weight is the best accomplishment because I did it!  I was the one who took charge of my health!  I just look forward to getting to my first little mini goal of 180 and then setting another goal from there (5 pounds away).

So, here's my pep talk- drink your dang water, get off your lazy butt and do something for YOU!  It's in your mind, if your mind isn't ready to lose the weight, then you aren't going to lose it.  I went through months of trying to get back on the weight loss journey and change my life but then I just wasn't feeling it and gave up.  I feel it on the inside now and there's nothing that's gonna stop me this time!  I am NOT getting pregnant this time!  (I have got to get myself fixed!)

:)  Have a great Friday night, there was something else I wanted to say... but I can't remember because Conner is in here playing his game and I can't think straight anymore!

Until next time (and it might be tonight if I remember what I was going to say)...

(oh and it snowed in MAY!  How crazy is that)

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